#34: TD

I was TD free for 3 days. Yes it took only 3 days for U (or St H) to assign me a new one.
Now again all I think of is TD. I am so grateful for him, because I was a brooding night and he was dawn. Saving me for I was forlorn, in his light I am reborn.

The only issue is that 95% of time I am scared. Mostly that I am not good enough. That I will fail, will disappoint him. Yes my typical big fear that I will disappoint someone is back.

I know that fear is a liar, but there's nothing I can do about it.... I am afraid!!!!!

#33: Forgiveness

2 days after my previous post, Monday March 5th everything changed.

At that stage I was convinced that I moved on. I accepted the fact that I was broken and would not be able to feel again. I was grateful for the change my mind cage caused in me. That change and awoken love for life. He (my image of him and feelings for him) were so superior that I accepted the fact that I would never feel anything again. I wasn't thinking of him constantly for a while, but remembering him from time to time.

And then March 5th. That afternoon I'm in a meeting. I hear something that somehow shifts my perspective absolutely. I am just sitting there and the realisation that everything slowly changes descends on me.

I got free. I started feeling. I woke up. I suddenly realised that I was stuck on one person and 1 specific date for 19 month. I dropped out from life for 586 days.

The way things unfolded. Coincidences like that do not happen. Miracle. Pure miracle.
Such a powerful feeling.

Thank you.