#4: running

There are a few things that heal me. Should be at least a hundred.

Some of them I forgot and am using this blog to remember, but some of them are always on my mind even if I don't get to practice them for a while.

Everything that requires moving forward is my big love and my remedy. As I was fighting a depression for years I discovered that running is one of the tricks to keep myself alive. I wasn't fighting to win, I think it's impossible without external help, I was fighting to survive.

In times of biggest psychological downturns the best way  to keep myself going and to give everything I was doing a purpose was waking up before the dawn and getting outside before the Sun. What can I say, challenging the Sun feels rewarding.

I've been having  a complicated relationship with running for a year and a bit, when I had no reason nor motivation to run. Strange combination. On one handside no open raw heart wound to heal with running, on the other - yes, a guy involved. Since I didn't manage to finish a race in September 2014 [because of a guy], I had an inner protest against running. I used the trick of bringing back sense to my life by sundawn running, but that's it. Although I still loved it, my inner self wouldn't let me practice it.

Now I'm over that dude and was thinking of running as a way to keep fit [which running has never been to me. ever!]. Strangely enough I could never make myself go for a run. That's just not enough. Apparently I can't run when I'm not depressed. 5 minutes on a treadmill - yes, otherwise - no.

To my great happines I am depressed at the moment, and I do have an urge to go for run. Shame, it's -5 in the morning.

Wait a minute, isn't it what I need exactly?!