#29: Gratitude

I am literally crying now.

I know I wrote it everywhere so many times that I am grateful that I met my latest love. I knew I was grateful (or should have been) indeed, but I never trully felt it. All of my memories of him (even the good ones) always came with such unbearable pain and bitterness, and longing, and tears.

I knew very well that it was all about the feeling and not him or us. But knowing one thing and understanding and comprehending such an overwhelming feeling is completely different.

Every month I would have a new seizure of missing him, and every month I would convince myself that I finally let go.

However, right now in this moment I feel so much gratitude for him crashing into my life and changing me forever. He brought back interest in life and will to live. And this crazily powerful feeling. Now I know what it feels like and that I am capable of feeling it.

Thank you, Un.
Thank you St H.
Thank you, darling.