№14: Warwick-like summer

I feel absolutely happy and alive when it is very warm, humid and dark outside during the day. I remember it was mostly like that during my summer at Warwick. It is delightful to run along fields in weather like that. The smell, the feeling of freedom and surrealism, the wind, the peacefulness.
This is my favourite running and working out outside weather. Even if (especially if) it is raining or storming.

#13: Old friend

I barely try to keep people in my life, since the ones I try to keep usually are not worth it or leave anyway. I am trying to be happy with the people I currently have in my life.

Luckily some of them stick. Some of the people I met earlier in life are so important for me. Friendship tested by time.

You used to be a total stranger but became a part of most of my life decisions. Even if I don't do as you tell me, I always ask your opinion. Your smiles. That one that initiated our communication is truly one of a kind. Nothing similar ever happened to me ever since. And how you would stop discussing business and would try to make me laugh when I showed up depressed at the meeting.



All these group chats to share small moments with people who are far but are always in my heart and always remember about me.

#12: Early morning

I absolutely adore early mornings.
I love the freedom, the hope, and the peace it gives. The new day starts, the Sun is getting up, the birds are singing, the people are mostly asleep.
I enjoy being active in the morning and enjoy it by devoting it to myself and my passions. I think that starting my day with work is a pure waste, I will never wake up to do that. But running, yoga, swimming, working out, beach, breakfast....

The first sign of severe depression is unabilty to wake up early. That's precisely what I've been struggling with for a month....
 

#11: Smile

It feels incredible when a person returns your smile. I am not talking about a situation when somebody laughs or smiles because of something you said. And this is not a polite smile when they greet you.You quietly look somebody in the eyes and without saying a word you just smile and they erase the serious expression from their face and smile back. You made them smile. It immediately feels intimate and special and you feel connected to the person.

I never payed enough attention to other people purposive smiling until one special person started smiling to me this way. I felt special immediately. They looked into me and they smiled to me. A bit later I realised the fact that is very hard to put in words.

It is the person who smiles, not the person to whom they smile.

It is a blessing to receive that smile, but it has its meaning and purpose. As a receiver you are not special, you are just a receiver.

Back then I was a receiver. Now I am a sender.

....and a receiver. HE sent me this smile once briefly to show his support.

#10: Consequences

This one is really related to the previous one.
I am absolutely fascinated that whatever is going on in my life is exact consequence of my decisions and my acts.
There are some sudden unexpected events, but the current long-term state of things is usually directly related to the steps I take.

It's not their decision, it is my decision first.

#9: Decision

I can think about a problem for a long time, I can tolerate something not worth tolerating for a while, I can be easily-manipulated, lazy, not motivated, and pathetic.

But the thing I am very good at is decision-making.

I just analyse a problem  and make an optimal decision. That easy, that simple. Emotions, fear, or weakness don't get in the way.

And once I made a decision I stick to it.

Now I decided that it's finally time to do everything I always wanted to do.

#8: Achievement

The only thing that makes me truly happy for some time is payoff from hard work.
Previously it was people. Special people, their words and deeds and the way they made me feel.
Then it was also travelling and adventures.

Now it's only appreciation and results of the things I am doing, I am investing my time, effort, and bits of my soul in.

It's a sign that it is worthwhile to be always busy. And if I am not busy and my mind is not occupied, I get depressed.

Hard work always pays off.